~Words~
"Life is short. Dance and wiggle your butt........or die."
"It takes an idiot to make something cool. That's why it's cool."
"My biggest fear with hippies is that they'll wear patchouli and touch me."
"Wow, you've got some elaborate crazy goin' on."
"I'm not people-friendly."
"When things move into Uranus, it's a good time for change."
"The grass is greener in my pants."
"I hate anyone who doesn't like boobs."
"I'm a contagious beast of crazy."
"May misfortune never find you, or if it does, may you be armed to the teeth."
"Patience isn't a virtue, it's a waste of time."
"When genius strikes, often one has little else to do but get bitch-slapped and do what it says, else it may just kidnap your family and hold them for ransom."
~Sermoo~
The Value of Shoes
One can never have too many shoes, my friend. No, there is no such thing. But there are those who would rather not have their shoes back. I can only name but a few who would choose this way of life after the Giant Tortilla swallowed the hopping juniper bush in a fiery fit of spicy enchilada envy. Yes, only a few who would dare to give their shoes to another and not ask for them back after the cactus berry bush danced for the Queen of Magnolia to prove his love for fluffy pillows.
The Great Pink Cow wants you to remember the piping hot elephants of Mashed Potatoes Gravy Boat who gave their free makeovers to the poor mistletoe of Hiccupsville in the hopes that it might make them stop asking for the Daily Bacon.
A question that I have been asked on many an occasion is, "If the grass is greener on the other side, why don't you fall from Heaven?" My answer? Because, the Cow is pink. Yes, it is because the Cow, it is pink, and the grass, it is greener on that other side, that you do not fall from Heaven. And in not falling from Heaven, we cause the flying mangoes to pelt the builders of the Flounders Day Desert Waseland in the middle of the Atlantic Jell-O Brewery while humming "The Star Spangled Sneeze."
The party has only started when the arctic mouse comes out to meet the dancing walrus in a pickle jar where the Queen's shoes are kept so that the prancing muscle can keep his mus-Kle-y sound. The shoes, they are kept there because the pickle juice runs uphill without the aid of a bull horn or fishing pole. And since the pickle juice runs uphill so the manta rays can hibernate in the cold cuts, no one thinks about who stole the planter's peanuts from the Farmer's Almanac. In addition to the rivers shouting "Vive la porte!" and the fact that the Cow is pink and not orange with purple polka dots, the flowers bloom only in Timbuktu in the winter of the balance beam and Liz does not get her shoes back!
There can be no simpler a solution than the one placed before you. Cows dance at midnight so the sun won't take away their spots and the moon is made of crispy flakes to chase away the moody whos who tried to take Squire Trelawney's ship, who has taken a vacation and will return on the feast day of St. Lulu, to acquire the figure of mass production of happy food, the topaz toe ring. The hound is chasing the rabbit's hole to find the blade of grass inside because the fish in the larder is eating all the kru-tons and the cheese ran away with the baker's wife to make a loaf of Scarlet Pumpernickle. I can make it no simpler.
In order to get into the Big Field in the Sky, you must learn that all pigs are blue, and the ceiling is made of wafers. The sky holds no place for flying mushrooms and the only way to get rid of a stain on the carpet is to blame it on someone else.
Amoo.
I now take this time for a break. You will hear from me shortly, but until then, here is a message from our sponsor: "Space Heaters for Hell and the Hell Bound"